you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
