90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
