The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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