She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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