I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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