Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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