question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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