i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
