If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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