It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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