today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
