I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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