I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
