Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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