Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
