That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
