I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
