I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
