She is in my trunk
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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