you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
