you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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