just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
