There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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