Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
