you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
