I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
