soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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