The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
