Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
