No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
