but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
