about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
