i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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