He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
