Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
