and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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