I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
