Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
