so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We got so high we made milksteak
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
