guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
