i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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