Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
