Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
