I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
