Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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