i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
