my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize