Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
