wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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