I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
