Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
