I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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