Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
