Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
