My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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