Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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