sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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