Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Someone signed my nipple.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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