Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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