btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
