My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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