It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
