i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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