Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
