Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
