I'm so fucking centered right now
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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