and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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