Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
