You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
