I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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