If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
