I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
