your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
