K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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