Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
