No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
