is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
