That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
