I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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