your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
