Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
