New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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