Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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