is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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