She is in my trunk
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize