I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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