Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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