Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
