He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
