I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize