You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
