No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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